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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been constantly taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Many of her friends drifted away at that point, since they had been only interested in the spouse. This surprised her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, and must have grasped more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Throughout this period, several in her circle have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, even though she was an excellent employee, and she left not understanding what had changed.

Present Situation

Lately, both of us left the workforce so we're spending each other more, however, I feel the part I play between us feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. In terms of politics, she expresses unyielding views. I attempt to propose factchecking and different perspectives.

She's been organizing a holiday abroad I've visited repeatedly and resided in previously. My intention was to share insights, yet it was not welcomed. She purely solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I recently ended a month in that country she hopes to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she'll truly understand the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to end things abruptly, but it is rarely a smooth outcome that we desire. But confrontation aiming for working things out requires bravery and openness from both people.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing how things go in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. Step two involves sharing how this leaves you feeling. There should be no dispute here. Emotions belong to you, of course. Step three involves requesting ways you together can shift the interaction in your relationship."

Consider that she also has her own side, so you need to stay open to listen to her. One effective method is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably effective in fostering understanding.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject all you say, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative about themselves they won't let go of since their identity relies on it and it's all familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. But she may start out this way then consider about what you've said. And should you never reach a resolution, you'll have closure knowing you were open and direct.