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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive breakdown to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {